


My Beautiful MAGA-Cap

by orphan_account



Series: Pretty little MAGA-Cap [1]
Category: Original Story
Genre: A story where I make fun of Republicans, Anti-Republicanism, Fluff, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, Other, R.I.P. my sanity, Those hats tho, True Love, U.S. Politics are stupid, crackfic, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 23:42:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20714507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He looked at the vendor and said “How much for the MAGA-Cap?’” In the most pre-pubescent voice ever. The vendor looked at him and said “Usually it costs $20, but for a white boy like you? It’ll be free.”Or The Story about an American boy named Eric, and his beautiful MAGA-Cap.





	My Beautiful MAGA-Cap

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a fun story I wrote for my Republican bro Eric. It’s very stupid and shouldn’t be taken seriously. Like, at all!  
Also I’m Mexican so like my English sucks. Enjoy?

Eric was walking down the streets of Washington D.C. The weather wasn’t so disagreeable even though it was the beginning of March. Eric felt as if he was missing something to his current ensemble. So, he decided to get a cap. Looking at the different vendors in the streets his eyes immediately landed to a single red cap.

The cap was as beautiful as any cap could be. It was crayon-red in color and sturdy in shape, the words ‘Make America Great Again’ were imprinted in its front. Eric, the massive white boy Republican that he is decided that the cap was to die for. He looked at the vendor and said “How much for the MAGA-Cap?’” In the most pre-pubescent voice ever. The vendor looked at him and said “Usually it costs $20, but for a white boy like you? It’ll be free.”

Eric felt his eyes tear up. The beautiful MAGA-Cap was all his and for free!!! “THANK YOU SIR, OMIGOD THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!” Eric held the MAGA-Cap the same way one would hold a baby. Now in his hands the cap felt all the more real. Nothing could feel better than holding the brilliantly red MAGA-Cap. Briefly admiring the cap for a minute more, he reached up settled the cap on his head with great honor. Eric already looks like your all-around white boy scout. (Even though he’s 50% Mexican) ((Don’t ask him though ‘cause he’d probably tell you otherwise))

Now proudly wearing the MAGA-Cap he looks like your average All-American-Asshole. Eric didn’t care about the dirty looks people (and frankly wouldn’t mind his friends stares if they were there) were sending him. He had his cap on, and that was enough for him.

When Eric got home he settled his cap on top of his bed. He decided that he was going to cook an extravagant stay-in-bed dinner for MAGA-Cap and himself. So, he put his hands on the ingredients and but together a hamburger. (Because there’s nothing better than a traditional American dinner to an American.) Eric spent about 2 hours perfecting his burgers, and when he finally deemed them worthy he presented it to his precious cap. “Do you accept my offering?” Naturally the cap was incapable of responding, but Eric was so in love that he could’ve sworn the cap said “Those hamburgers look delicious!” Eric will also say that the MAGA-Cap ate the entire flippin’ burger in one bite.

When they had both finished eating. (Read:Eric) Eric decided that they should spend some quality time watching an American movie together. “Hey MAGA-Cap, what movie do you want to watch?” No response. “You want to watch ‘Saving Private Ryan’? THE BEST ALL-AMERICAN MOVIE OF ALL TIME?!?!” Absolute silence. “Good choice!”

Eric loved watching American movies. So, now that he has his American cap along with him the experience was enhanced by 3000. Eric could feel the MAGA-Caps presence next to him, he could feel it the same way he felt the flap of a Bald Eagle’s wings... Majestic, all powerful, and demanding everyone within a miles attention.

Maybe everyone else would think that it’s weird, but Eric knew that this was love. He put his arm around the cap and lovingly admired its beauty. “I’ve never seen anything quite like you.” , he admitted, “I’ve always known what love was, but I never could’ve imagined that it’d be so... So, so.... pOwErFuL!”

The cap stayed silent. Eric felt his heart shatter into a gazillion little pieces. “I know we’ve just met approximately 5 hours ago, but MAGA, what we have is... It’s special... You feel me?” MAGA-Cap could certainly feel it alright. “Do you get what I’m trying to say here? That... That I.... Can’t live without you?”

The wind coming from the AC blew through the cap, making it move almost as if it were nodding a ‘Yes’. Eric stared at the MAGA-Cap. Could it be? Was his beautifully red MAGA-Cap, the love of his life, suddenly returning his feelings? “MAGA.... You feel the same way???”, the AC pushed again, “MAGA! C’mere you beautiful cap!!!” Eric tenderly held the cap on and pressed a gentle kiss to its bill. Eric wasn’t sure how he was going to explain his love to his parents, but he knew that as long as MAGA was at his side, he would gladly handle anything.


End file.
